you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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