Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
