I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
