youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm at about main and main street
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
