u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
