So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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