I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
