Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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