I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
