Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
