Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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