Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
