Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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