Where did you get a picture of my penis
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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