his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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