Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
