I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
