I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
