i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
