Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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