literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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