Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
