im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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