Banned from zoo.
Again?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
