I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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