my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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