i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am naked and annoyed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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