I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i think i just lost a toe
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
