I smell stomach acid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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