I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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