I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
