In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I could make wine with my vomit
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
