I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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