Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
