I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
