The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
