shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
