It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
