Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
