How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
