I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
