I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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