I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
