theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
