Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
