Screwed.edu
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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