This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
