We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
