I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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