Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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