Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
