Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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