A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
