So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
